Where is the love and protection for Black women and girls?
April began with revelations and is ending with tragedy. As we entered National Sexual Assault Awareness Month, another revelation of an exploitative relationship between popular entertainers revived conversations about rape culture, sexual exploitation, and lack of protection for Black women and girls. As we end this month, the deaths of multiple Black women and children has rocked our communities and continued conversations about the vulnerability of Black women to violence at the hands of men.
I’m reading writer, culture critic, and speaker Jamilah Lemieux’s recently released book, Black. Single. Mother. In the fourth chapter of the book titled Love and a Black Ass Lie, there is a section where Jamilah discusses the sexual harassment and assault that Black women face at the hands of Black men and how those men are often defended and protected by our community. Reading this chapter in the midst of recent social media driven conversations concerning violence against Black women felt like a sign that I should write about the thoughts and feelings that this conversation always brings up for me.
Singer and songwriter Brandy released Phases: A memoir on March 31st. In the book, she discusses her relationship with Boys II Men member Wanya Morris, which began when she was 16 and he was 22. She names the exploitation, as reported by The Guardian, in this excerpt:
“At the time, it felt like a fairy tale,” she writes. Now I see it as the beginning of a calculated courtship of a teenage girl by a grown man who knew exactly the effect his attention would have.”
In the midst of supportive words and sharing of similar experiences that I read on social media, there was also the usual victim blaming, adultification, and denial (she was old enough to know better, why is she talking about it now, where were her parents, it was different back then). Too many people are always quick to rally to rescue the reputation of a Black man who is alleged or proven to have committed violence towards Black women or girls. Yes, many are bots or trolls who get off on being contrarian, but a whole lot are real people who live in our communities. In a passage adapted from Dr. Treva B. Lindsey’s 2022 book America, Goddamn: Violence, Black Women, and the Struggle for Justice published on Bustle, Dr. Lindsey shares two harrowing stories that starkly illustrate the violence that too many Black women and girls face at the hands of people and institutions who are supposed to love, protect, and keep them safe. As she describes the tears that roll down her face, Dr. Lindsey still chooses hope:
“I want us to be cared for and unharmed in our intimate relationships, homes, institutions, and communities.”
From Ujima, The National Center on Violence Against Women in the Black Community and the Institute for Women’s Policy Research:
1 in 4 Black girls will be sexually abused before the age of 18
40-60% of Black women report being subjected to coercive sexual contact by age 18
More than four in ten Black women experience physical violence from an intimate partner during their lifetimes.
A 2015 Violence Policy Center study found that Black women were two and a half times more likely to be murdered by men than their White counterparts. More than nine in ten Black female victims knew their killers.
During these last weeks of April the public learned the devastating news of multiple Black women and children’s brutal murders in the span of just a couple of weeks. Barbara Deer and Davonta Curtis in Chicago, Cerina Fairfax in Virginia, Nancy Metayer Bowen in Florida, eight children and one woman in Louisiana, and sadly several others had their lives ended by either a husband, boyfriend, son, or father. Their loved ones are now left behind to mourn, grieve, and pick up the pieces. While there were many responses to these horrific acts of violence that showed an understanding of the role of patriarchy, dynamics of domestic violence, and transphobia play in violence against Black women, too many responses by men, many prominent men with large platforms and the trust of our community, rushed to lay the blame solely on mental health.
Experts in the field of domestic violence and mental health have sought to correct harmful narratives that arose touting mental health treatment as the solution to violence against women. In a Chicago Sun-Times column by Natalie Moore, feminist scholar Beth Richie emphasizes the need to hold complicated thoughts concerning the role of patriarchy and mental health, “There has to be some way to hold a complicated thought about the mental health crises that exist in our community but not lead with that, because it focuses on the person who caused harm and not the mental health consequences of the person who was killed.”
How can we have safe communities if our girls and women are not safe?
When will we stop weaponizing the historical harm faced by Black men to evade community accountability for violence against girls and women?
Do we want freedom and liberation from all forms of oppression or do we want Black men to amass the power to perpetuate violence against those considered disposable?
There’s so much misogyny, shame, respectability, stigma, and adultification wrapped up in the responses of many Black people every time a Black man is alleged to have committed violence against a Black woman or girl. Whether it’s a girl in our families, a woman in our neighborhood, or a celebrity, the response is the same: deny, victim blame, shift blame, evade accountability, project the man. In chapter four of Black. Single. Mother, Jamilah writes, “we protect Black men and boys by excusing violence against Black women and girls.” We reflexively and defensively seek to protect the lives, images, and reputations of men in our communities, even when they commit violence against women and children. We try to prevent carceral violence, incarceration, and the perpetuation of stereotypes of Black men at the expense of Black women and girls. The most vulnerable groups in our communities are the ones most committed to our survival and safety, yet the love and dedication is not returned.
Yet, I have to remain hopeful that eventually the tide will turn and we will see a transformation in our culture where the freedom to exist without fear of violence will be true for Black women and children.
To all the Black girls in every city across the world, you deserve safety, love, and protection.
To all the Black girls and women trying to make it in male-dominated and exploitative industries, you deserve safety, love, and protection.
To all the Black women confronting and fighting male power and abuse, you deserve safety, love, and protection.